Turning Point

I'm not really sure what did it....but something just clicked last weekend.

I've become something of a Craigslist addict--but with complete justification. I sold or donated almost ALL of the construction materials that were left behind in the basement. I sold enough from selling my sinks to buy two better ones.... and I've been moving some of the clutter out, bit by bit.

My new favorite hobby is to peruse the "items wanted" section. I just zip through it each night, and about once a week, I'm bound to find something that someone else wants...that I have in my pile in the basement. (the yard sale is pending, if the rain ever stops!)

So Sunday I took a big step. I can't really explain why I did it...but the spirit of minimalism moved me. the ghosts of garbage past.
I parted with my first seriously big item of "emotional significance:" my heavy metal concert tee collection.

Now you first have to understand that I've had these shirts for more than 20 years--in some cases 25 years or more. I love them--almost every heavy metal concert I attended, I bought a shirt--and these were the big tours; Ozzy before rehab, Metallica when they were just a coupla kids in dirty tee shirts opening for bigger names, Black Sabbath, Deep Purple...oh it kills me to even list them.

Anyhow, I had a SERIOUS emotional tie to this collection--so much so, that I decided that the expression "you can't take it with you" didn't apply--I wanted to be buried with my concert tees. I loved them and wore them religiously, so much so that they were starting to get damage from wear and tear. Even handwashing was going to be an ordeal. So I stopped wearing them to protect them....but that meant they lived in a drawer. I ran out of drawer space two years ago--so they have been in a box.

It doesn't take a brain surgeon to see this one: if they are sitting in a box, who is loving them? They needed to be with someone who would show them off, appreciate them, love them, care for them. Owning them was becoming a strange feeling of obligation. So I took a moment to deeply reflect on the emotions behind keeping these shirts. I really didn't want "responsibility" for their care any longer, but when I thought of getting rid of them, I wanted to cry.

Then: the moment of clarity. As a rebellious teen, I fought incessantly with my parents. My appearance (and musical taste) had a LOT to do with it. My Dad would threaten to throw away my concert "crap" when I was at school, so I used to hide my favorites between the mattress and boxspring....under the bed....back of the closet...wherever.

Bingo! there is was. the fear of throwing things out. Or worse. The fear of someone ELSE throwing my stuff out--it was about control and power, or more appropriately, powerlessness.

Now the real issue here--the control over MY life was now in MY hands. I had a choice. I went online that night.

It was like divine intervention--I went online to Craigslist and lo! and behold! An 80's concert tee shirt collector was looking for shirts. We emailed briefly--I wanted to be sure these were going to a good home--someone who would care for them, appreciate them, love them. And she did! Her name is Jennie, she collects rock tees AND wears them (hand washes them) and she was about my size. A heavy metal fan, she realized that I was giving her the real deal--these weren't rip off shirts--these were the real mccoys! She paid me WAY less than they were probably worth, but it came with peace of mind and newfound confidence: I COULD do this.

I sat in the parking lot of the Cracker Barrel with a supportive friend. It's a safe bet that you won't cry over lost concert tees with a guy friend around... and I realized that if I could move out the concert shirts, then I could do just about anything.

I came home...and my DONATE/SELL pile became three times larger. The control was mine. The power was in my hands.